Toy Trains
by alizabethianrose
Summary: Colt is desperate to find a way to slow Punk down, he was just hoping for a much different way than what happened. With every look, every I love you, Colt feels him slipping away, is there a way to slow down time? Slash! Colt/Punk
1. Off the Tracks

**Typical disclaimers are found here. This is slash, I own no one, adult themes, mature rating for a reason. now on to the story!**

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I am not sure how to slow him down, Punk, he is like this freight train barreling along the tracks, and I'm a hobo running alongside trying to hitch a ride, jump on board without failing beneath the train. At times though I feel like I am a passenger, only now I race to the front of this beast, hoping to find the brakes, tugging relentlessly to find they have failed. So then I find myself waiting for him to derail us, sending us hurtling off the tracks into certain disaster. It always ends with disaster when it involve my Punkers. I'm not sure where this train is heading but I guess my only choice is to hold on tight for the ride and hope for a change that we don't crash and burn.

When I arrive at my apartment and see him, sprawled on my couch sound asleep while some documentary plays on the history channel I can't help but smile. His days off which are few and far between I always find him here, I am starting to wonder if he knows what his own house even looks like. I flip the TV off and cover him with a blanket, heading into my tiny office to get some work done and upload the newest edition of my padcast. It's a few hours later when he have stumbles have walks into my office, blanket wrapped tightly around him. He trips on the bottom a few times and I watch carefully, noticing that something is off with him. He plops into my lap, and his head snuggles into my shoulder. I run my fingers through his short hair, glad he is letting it grow back. "It's cold in here" I lift his head looking into his eyes, noticing the glassy look.

"Punkers it's like a furnace in here, did you turn up the heat." He nods and wraps himself tighter in the blanket. I frown and press my lips to his forehead, he feels slightly warm, but not so hot that I would be overly concerned. "Do you feel okay?" He nods and then shrugs, so I have no real answer there.

"I don't know, tired, really tired, and in pain, but that's pretty normal for me. I guess I just am rundown. The nap should help, maybe I just need to go to the gym or something get energy back." I shake my head standing him in my arms, I carry him down the hall towards my bedroom, which in reality is ours. He has just as much shit as I do in this apartment, so why he owns that big house is beyond me. I place him down gently untangle him from the blanket and cover him up tightly.

"Have you talked to a doctor recently?" He sighs and snuggles deeper into the bedding.

"Why bother Colt, how many times can they run tests without any results? They never find anything wrong, just tell me to take it easy, to slow down. Like that is going to happen, then they write me a damn note, and I take it to Vince who promptly ignores it and schedules me for more shit instead of less." I sigh and lie beside of him, pulling him close to me. I hate that he is not feeling well, and he hates feeling like a pin cushion but that does not mean we are going to ignore this. I search him gently pulling out his phone from the pocket of his jeans. I call his doctor's office and make an appointment, he whines slightly but doesn't protest and I know that he is not feeling well by this small admission.

I lay with him until he falls asleep, once he does I watch him, he tosses and turns, blankets are thrown off, then he is wrapped back in them. Normally when I hold him he sleeps deeply, he practically uses me as a pillow, and today he pushes me away, and then clings to me. Worry builds in my mind, so I slip from the bed, heading into the living room I make a call to Ace. I know in reality I've done all I can, the last months carting his ass to doctor's appointments, trying to force him to take time off, slow him down, make him rest. Yet none of this seems to be helping, my Punkers is ill, and I want answers. Ace can't provide them for me, but he can keep my racing thoughts in check. Which is exactly what he does, he reminds me that Punk has great people taking care of him, that the doctors working on his case are the best in the world, that this mysterious illness may be nothing ore then exhaustion. To keep reigning Punk in to the best of my ability.

I tell him to try slowing this speeding train down and see how it turns out for him, he laughs at me and tells me to use the emergency brake. I don't think I've ever tried that, never forced Punk to stop against his will. It's an idea that I will keep in the back of my mind for now. We talk briefly about other things, wrestling, the weather, but it all comes back to Punk. Then again it has always come back to Punk for me since the day I met him. I feel only slightly better when I get off the phone but at least I can return to his side. I get a large glass of ice water and walk back to the bed room, he is curled up in the middle of the bed, blankets on the floor and he is shivering. I sigh and cover him back up, waking him long enough to get fluids into his system, if this is the flu he needs to stay hydrated. I shed my clothing and return to the bed, he snuggles in and despite how warm I find the house I pull him close.

By morning I am dripping with sweat, and he looks no better. In fact I almost swear he appears more tired. He dresses slowly and I force some water into his system. Unsure of what tests they will run on him today. When we arrive at the doctor's he is cranky, He hates waiting, so him being cranky is a good sign. We don't wait long but he still bites the nurse's head off as she takes us back to a room. I can't hide the small smile that spreads across my face, relieved honestly that he still has some fight left in. The nurse takes his vitals and leaves us alone, no fifty questions and that makes me curious. When the doctor enters, don't ask me his name I cannot pronounce it, I shake my head needing to remind myself of all the degrees from the best schools he has on the wall. He is younger than us, probably graduated when he was ten or something. He sits across from Punk and sighs "tell me the symptoms Phil" Punk shrugs and I want to roll my eyes.

"Same as always, I'm tired, my body hurts, my head hurts, I'm too hot, or freezing" He jots some notes on the chart and begins looking over the file.

"Any vomiting?" Punk nods and the doc looks at him.

"Occasionally, not a lot but it happens."

"Diarrhea?" Another nod and I raise an eyebrow wondering how much he is keeping from me.

"The main thing is that I feel like I can sleep for twelve hours and still wake up exhausted and want to go back to bed." The doc continues to look over charts.

"How are your stress levels, do you feel depressed?"

"Stress is the same as it ever was, I'm not depressed when I have energy I feel good." He examines Punk and shakes his head slightly.

"Aright I'm going to order a full panel of blood work, another MRI, spinal tap, and an ACTH stimulation test." I see Punk roll his eyes but can't hold back the question I have.

"What is an ACTH stimulation test?" The doctor glances at me and Punk gives him a nod, the man should know by now Punk doesn't care what you sat in front of me.

"It is a test where we take your blood, to establish a baseline, then inject a person with ACTH, then we take your blood at certain intervals to test for certain level changes in the blood." Punk just nods and I want to shake him there are other questions to ask here.

"What is it looking for?"

"It can help determine adrenal fatigue, or Addison's disease, one of the many things I want to rule out." I nod and think, I want more answers but in all honesty I won't get them without the test being done first.

"Have you eaten today?"

"I know the drill doc, better if I don't test can be run that way." He nods at Punk, and we are once again off to the hospital to have the test run. Blood work, MRI, ACTH test, which keeps up there all day, more blood drawn, again and again making Punkers a very unhappy man. Finally the spinal tap, which takes unhappy to outrage, it didn't hurt him he told me, just a lot of pressure, and gave him a headache. I actually think it was the fact he wasn't listening in the doc's office and had no clue they were going to do one. Punker's doesn't like to hear shit if he can't argue about it.

I force him to eat and then put him to bed when we get home, he is asleep almost before his head hits the pillow. Another sign something is off, after a day like today Punk would normally go for a run, or work out use up all the energy he conserved by waiting around. He'd have raging insomnia and I would try to keep up with him, try to stay awake as he talks my ear off, nod like I'm following the conversation behind closed eyelids. I would startle awake several times and in the end would go to bed, leaving him hyped up. Instead I get exhausted Punk, and I have all this energy to spend myself.

How do I do this by getting on WebMD, I spend the night looking at every possible illnesses, diagnosing him in my mind repeatedly. I do research adrenal fatigue and Addison's disease relieved to see they both can be managed. It's the other things, disease with names that I can't pronounce, deadly, incurable illnesses that have the same symptoms as Punk. Then again a lot of illness cause all of Punk's symptoms, so many, too many to count really. I manage to freak myself out, call Ace several times, my mother a few, and basically annoyed everyone by waking them up. They talk me down, make me look at the logical, tell me to step away from the computer. I do but then I'm back and I'm calling again.

I check on Punk several times, he is still restless, and I wonder if that is why he doesn't feel rested, he is practically fighting a war with himself while he sleeps. I don't rest that night, or the next. I do manage to call the WWE doc and talk with him, getting Punk the rest of the week off. Punk doesn't protest when I inform him of this. Another reason for me to worry? I'm not sure, he lost his passion for wrestling a while ago, and I think there are days when he considers quitting.

Two days later we are back in the doctor's office, results are in apparently. I find it hard to breathe waiting for the doc to enter the room. Punk is staring a picture on the ceiling, some representation of art to sooth someone. He seems calm, resigned to whatever is going to be said, I reach out and take his hand and for some reason he gives me a reassuring smile. I close my eyes and shake my head, alls I can see in my mind is the tracks ahead, coming to a fork, both ways look treacherous, both horrifying turns at the speed we plunge ahead at. I grab the brake, pulling, praying, wanting to throw this bitch into reverse. Go back to a time before this, to a place that's safe. My hand hovers over the emergency break, scared to push it, petrified not too. I keep letting the train go down these tracks, and maybe it is time to slow it down, travel at my speed for a while. I still have stuff I need to say, we are not done yet by far. "I love you" he smiles and leans over giving me a very light kiss.

"Of course you do, you have to because I love you. Everything is going to be fine, I'm going to be fine." I nod and think to myself, fucked-up, insecure, neurotic, and emotional, sure Punk you are fine. When the door opens the doc enters, with a much older man, I swallow a specialist they brought in a specialist. My hand is on the emergency break, and I cling to it as I try to slow down time.

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**Okay so tell me what you think, this is suppose to be a one-shot but I'm not sure. Is it bad, good, or indifferent I want to hear from you all!  
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	2. Brakes!

We get no answers from the doctor, none of the test were conclusive, no answers, more test scheduled. Punk heads back to work sooner than I would have liked, another note that will be ignored by the higher ups. I wonder what they would do if the doctors found something life threatening, work Punk until he collapse in the ring? I tried to convince him to stay home, to tell everyone to fuck off and rest. It doesn't work it has never worked and I wonder what I would have to do to force him to listen to me. His week is busy, we talk and the more we do the more I find myself concerned, by the time the Rumble hits on Sunday I am beyond worried as I sit and watch his match. He is not exactly doing horrible but he is off. I cringe when Kane interferes and then Batista wins it all.

It's two am when my phone goes off, I stare at the screen seeing his face on my phone. I wonder what he would do if I didn't answer, if I put my foot down. I swallow and push aside any fear I have answering the phone. "Hey Punkers you should be resting." I hear the small sigh and sit back against the head board.

"Can't sleep, I hurt, I'm cold, and just wanted to hear your voice. Sorry to call so late." I wasn't asleep, I'm sitting at my computer looking up the test they have scheduled for him. More tests he will complain about, more shit for me to worry about and he refuses to listen.

"It's okay I wasn't asleep. Just doing some work."

"You work too hard" I laugh at the man I work too hard, he is killing himself but I work too hard.

"Really Punk you want to go there." I know I am on the verge of starting a fight. The thing is I just don't know how to do this, fight for him when he won't fight for himself. Be the man he wants, the laughing, joking, loving man when he won't give me the same in return. I now maybe part of this is fear, if I'm not there to watch him slowly kill himself it won't be so bad, it won't hurt as much.

"Scott, I love you. Just tell me what you want from me. I'm letting you drag me to the doctors, I'm doing the tests, they aren't finding anything. What else am I supposed to do, I have a contract I just can't quit." I take a deep breath and slowly an idea fills my mind, he won't like it, he won't agree with it, hell he will be pissed as hell but if it could take this train and get it back on the tracks then I will do anything I need to do.

"Quit Punk, just quit, you lost your passion for this a long time ago so just walk away." I hear him snort and take a deep breath. "You asked what I wanted, well there it is I want you to quit, come home and get better."

"I can't just quit Colt, what the hell do you expect me to do walk up to McMahon and tell him I'm done? That's just crazy, look I don't have that long left on my contract and then we can talk about this." I take a breath slow and steady, my hand is pressing the emergency break and this time I am going to beat this train, I am going to stop this madness.

"Quit Punk, or I won't be here, you can go to your big empty house and kill yourself without me being your fucking cheerleader. You have everything you need to live a good long life with me, but if you chose to keep doing this then I make the choice to stop watching." There is silence on the other end, I know he heard me. I know he is trying to find the right thing to say to pacify me at the moment. I've never threatened to end this, never threatened to walk away but he has forced my hand this time.

"Colt please…"

"No you have a choice Punk, I want an answer by tomorrow. Me or the career that is killing you, the career you have no passion left for. I love you but I refuse to do this so make a choice. Good night Punk" I end the call and turn off my phone, knowing he will call back. I have to stay strong, this is the only solution I have to make him stop, make him take a minute to worry about himself.

I keep my phone off all night, and most of the day. I settle in to watch RAW, to see him put into a pointless feud with the authority. It could be brilliant if done right, Punk is the definition of anti-authority but they won't do it right, they never do anything right. The show is half way over and I haven't seen Punk, they haven't mentioned him coming out. I feel hope slowly building inside of me wondering if he did it. I grab my phone and turn it on, as it comes to life I have several missed calls. Most from Punkers, he didn't leave any messages though. I check my texts, some from Ace, my mother nothing from Punk. I sigh and try to call his phone only for it to go straight to voice mail. I take a deep breath and go back to watching the TV. I hear the door behind me, the thud of a bag hitting the floor. My heart is racing and I hope it's him, I pray he choose me, choose himself. "Don't know why you are watching that, there creative is shit." I flip off the TV and lean back against the couch.

"They have this one guy who I think is phenomenal no matter the crap they give him." He chuckles and I can't help but love that sound.

"I heard he walked out of a meeting with Hunter and Vince, told them he quit, that he was done and kindly told them to fuck off when they attempted to stop him." I turn slowly my eyes capturing his, he moves closer. I hold out my hand and he takes it, I tug him into my lap and immediately his head is resting under my chin as he snuggles his face into my neck. I feel him breathe me in, and I can't help but stroke his hair.

"You quit?" He nods and then a feel a smile against my skin.

"You doubted I would chose you over the living hell my job is?" I shrug and he takes another breath. "At first I was so pissed at you, so beyond angry that you would do this. I called Ace, I called your mom, hell I called your brother and they all fucking supported you. None of them would side with me, they told me you were right. I hung up on Ace, I'll probably have to pay for that later. Then I tried to put myself in your shoes and it dawned on me that I'm being unfair. This is a partnership and I haven't been listening to you, finally I realized how much you love me, how hard it was to threaten to walk away would be and I knew I couldn't let you go through the hurt of following through on your threat. So I went in they called me to a meeting and I quit. Here I am, all yours, no job, nothing to fill my hours but you. I hope it drives you fucking crazy." I can't help but smile I think this is the most I've heard him say at one time in weeks. I kiss the top of his head and smile, I think I've finally slowed him down, now we just need to figure out what is wrong with him, cause lord knows I don't do lonely well so he needs to be around forever.

"Thank you" I whisper and he nods he knows what I am thanking him for and it is not choosing me. "I love you, how are you feeling?" He snuggles in deeper and I wrap my arms tightly around him.

"In some ways better actually, it feels like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I'm still cold though, and so tired. So very tired, it's like something is zapping the energy from me. I slept on the plane, but I could so go back to sleep." I nod standing with him in my arms I carry him to the kitchen setting him at the table. I know him well enough to know what's he made a decision he didn't stop to eat, he came home. I think about what to make him, something easy on his stomach, bland really. I end on making him some toast, he won't eat a lot and really that's all I have in the house. I will go shopping in the morning and pick up some stuff, I'm sure there is a list of bland foods on the internet, maybe WebMD has one. He eats the toast and I study him, his color isn't so bad today. When he is finished eating I carry him to bed. I find extra blankets and turn up the heat in the room, it will eventually force me out but I'll handle it if Punkers is comfortable.

I strip him down to his boxers, glancing up I see a glint in his eyes and I know what he wants. "Behave, I am going to go call Ace and smooth things over for you, I want you to rest I'm gonna call your doctor in the morning to see if since you are not on the road he can move some appointments up." Punk sighs and gives me a tiny pout, I can never resist him so I lean down and give him what I intend to be a quick kiss. His arms snake around my neck, and I find myself deepening the embrace.

An hour later I slide from the bed, Punk is fast asleep a small smile on his face. I wander to the office thankful the house is cooler outside my bedroom, hell I think briefly of stepping outside for a moment. I grab my phone and call Ace.

"Your boyfriend needs to learn some manners. I know I've taught him better than to hang up on me. Not to mention the fact you have had your phone of all day." I smile I love this man, he worries about us so much I wonder how he doesn't have ulcers.

"He quit" my statement is met with silence and then laughter.

"About damn time. I didn't think your ultimatum would work, I would have put good money on the man worming out of it somehow." Hell I didn't either, I would have sworn he would show up here tomorrow give me the puppy dog eyes and I would cave.

"I have to go overseas soon, I would cancel but it would be last minute and I was wondering."

"I'll come stay with him, I'll make sure he gets to whatever appointments he has. One of you needs an income." I chuckle, we really don't between the two of us we have enough money to be happy for the rest of our lives.

"Thanks, and go easy on him. He…" I don't bother to finish, he is ill we all now this.

"I will, how is he?"

"Resting, my room is a sauna and he has a pile of blankets, but seems happy and very satisfied." I can almost hear the eye rolling and find myself laughing. I am about to say something more when I hear Punk calling my name. "Gotta go" I say quickly hanging up, I go into the bed room. Punk is sitting up squeezing his nose, blood drips between his fingers, the pillow case and sheets stained with red. I grab some tissues handing them to him, then I am off to the kitchen grabbing an ice pack I make him press it to the bridge of his nose. Standing him up I get him into the bathroom. "This happen often?"

"A few times" he mutters, something else he didn't tell me or the doctors. I'll lecture him on it later, for now I get the bleeding under control, and him into a shower washing away the crimson from his skin. I strip the bed, changing the sheets and finding new pillows. When he comes out of the bathroom he sits tiredly in the chair. "Sorry" I shake my head and pull him to his feet, holding him tightly. "I'm scared" I know how hard it is for him to admit this, how hard he fights to keep up his proud image.

"Me too" I whisper as I settle him back into bed. Terrified would be more accurate I think, I settle beside of him, having no plans on leaving him tonight, or anytime soon. Plans will be canceled I cannot go anywhere until we have answers. I watch as he drifts off to sleep and pull out my phone heading to WebMD to add this new symptom to my search.

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**So this just would not leave me alone, so I decided to continue it. Please review, I love reviews!  
**

**lamentomori- glad you enjoyed the first part, I think I finally have what is going on with Punk worked out so I decided to keep going. Web MD can be a terrible thing, poor Colt is losing his mind.**

**littleone1389- Glad you loved this, I tried to play off as much as we knew to keep the first part close to real life. Web MD searches are horrible, so very unspecific and a common cold can be a deadly disease in which you freak out over. Hope you like the second part.**

**Rebellecherry- So it is not a one-shot after all, the ending wouldn't let me be. I know there are at least a few more parts to this. Glad you will be reviewing.**

**Guest- Hi, no longer a one shot! Thanks for the review, I feel bad for Colt too!**


	3. Reverse

It should be simple really the doctors run test and we get answers but the thing is they don't know exactly what they are looking for and from what I gather they are ruling out simpler things before moving on to the scary shit, and trust me there is some scary shit. I've put Punk's symptoms in that damn search on WebMD so many times, looking for a solution but every time it comes up with so many answers that leave me in a panic. I've now promised Ace and my mom to stay off that website indefinitely, they are getting sick of my late night calls and I think I am panicking them as much as I am myself. Punk to his credit is tolerating my constant calls to the doctor, my constant worry, and my overbearing need to take care of him.

Punk insists that I don't cancel my dates overseas, that I need to keep doing my job. He isn't dying he tells me and in truth the rest seems to be doing him well. His color is better and he seems like he is less tired. At least he stays up longer though sometimes I think that is just to prove to me that he is doing better. Hell I feel like he is keeping secrets from me, shit I'm sure he should tell me. We never lie to each other but if I don't ask the right question he won't reveal the answers willingly. I reluctantly go overseas, it should be a fun time and I try to make the most of it the thing is my mind is home. I am constantly bombarded with questions on Punk, did he quit, is he coming back, is it a work, is he alright. I just push them aside ignoring everyone who feels the need to pry into our lives.

I call home many times a day staying up late so I don't disturb Punk when I call him. Ace tells me he is doing okay going to all his appointments, allowing them to run test but his voice sounds tired. This is taking its toll even on Ace, he loves Punk like a brother, hell like a son so to see the man we all know solely declining is frustrating. Hell it is downright scary.

I arrive home in the middle of the night Ace is up watching TV, I raise an eyebrow looking at him wondering why the man is not asleep. "Punk wanted to come to the airport and pick you up but he fell asleep long before we would have left. I consider coming to get you but figured you'd do nothing but nag me for leaving him alone." I nod I would have plus it didn't take me long to get home.

"How is he? Truthfully?" Ace sighs and glances down the hall towards the bedroom.

"Not good Colt, he sleeps almost all of the time, dizzy, headaches, a couple of bloody noses. The vomit and fever seems to be gone, his doc thinks perhaps that was just an infection. They did a bone marrow biopsy this morning, he is a little cranky from that feels all these tests are pointless. He is putting on a pretty brave front but all this shit is scaring him, he has missed you though I think he regrets forcing you to go." I sigh I figured as much, the truth is having no answers is driving all of us a little insane.

"How long has he been sleeping?" Ace glances at his phone checking the time.

"Since two this afternoon so a little over twelve hours. Maybe his body is just making up for all the years of insomnia, maybe this is nothing." I stand patting his arm gently wishing I could be as optimistic. Although I now it's a false sentiment coming from his lips that Ace no more believes that then I do but I appreciate the effort.

"Get some rest Ace, I'll see you in the morning." Ace stands and heads into the guest room, I take a few deep breaths, removing my sneakers I had into the bedroom silent. Punk is spread across the bed his pale skin glinting in the the moonlight. I watch as his chest rises and falls steadily. Moving closer I study him, seeing the bruise on his hip from the latest test. I notice for the first time bruises on his sides, his arms, hell almost everywhere most are faded but some seem fresh. He's been so covered up because of being cold that I haven't seen this much skin in a while. I want to shake him ask about the bruises how he received them but I also don't want to wake him. With a slow sigh I strip sitting on the bed as gently as I can I reach out and try to move him to make space without waking him. His skin for a change is a normal temperature and I feel hope that just maybe he is getting better.

"Colt" his voice is low and sleepy and I smile at him brushing the hair from his forehead. He blinks at me slowly confusion clouding his green eyes "I was going to come and get you."

"I made it just fine on my own, go back to sleep Punkers." I lay down beside him and he snuggles into me.

"Not tired, been sleeping all day." Wrapping my arms around his slender frame I roll my eyes at him. He is barely keeping his eyes open but he is not tired.

"Rest Punkers I'm here." He sighs and slips from my arms heading into the bathroom, He returns to my arms a few minutes later looking only slightly more awake.

"I missed you, the doctors are driving me insane. Apparently there is something wrong with my blood cells. They are trying to figure out what." I nod Ace had told me this yesterday, it was the reason for the biopsy to see what is going on with Punk's marrow.

"We are getting closer to an answer Punk, once we do they can treat it and you'll be back on your feet in time for all the hockey you want to go see." He smiles at me and I can't help but look forward to going to games with him.

"Can we just do something normal tomorrow, I don't have any appointments. Can we have some friends over and just relax? We could throw a Punk is free from hell party." I laugh and give him a light kiss.

"Sure I'll call the guys in the morning see who is in the area or can be. We'll have a barbeque and burn your contract or something." He snuggles in tighter resting his head under my chin. I think he is asleep for a while before he speaks.

"I'm hungry" of course he is just as my body has decided to rest he wants food. I slip from the bed and look at him.

"What do you want?" He shrugs and then smiles at me.

"Breakfast, pancakes sound awesome." This doesn't surprise me but the idea of making a small feast for him sounds outright annoying. I wander out to the kitchen and make a quick phone call thankful there are so many all-night restaurants in the area. Going back to the bedroom I stroke his cheek.

"I order from Delish it should be here soon." He looks up at me and pulls me down for a searing kiss. Knowing we don't have time for what he is trying to engage in I pull back and scoop him up bringing him to the couch. "What are all these bruises from Punkers?" He glances down and shrugs at me.

"Been bruising easily for a while should have seen me after the rumble I think I was one big bruise."

"Have you told the doctor's?" He nods flipping on the TV. I sit beside of him and he rest his head in my lap until the buzzer goes off. We eat silently and I send a text to a bunch of people informing them of the gathering at the house tomorrow. I know some people won't show but there will be enough to make Punk happy. A few minutes later Ace immerges from the guest room taking my plate and beginning to eat. I shrug not truly hungry I notice he sent a mass text to everyone after mine went out. Attendance is apparently mandatory, I chuckle more people will show with the warning.

That evening my home is filled with people, apparently when Ace tells you something is mandatory you show. Punk is tired I can see it but he is smiling and laughing having a good time so I try to refrain from being a mother hen to him. Joe approaches resting against the wall here I have a good view of Punk without being up his ass, not that I mind in the least when I am up his ass. "You know a few days warning would be nice, last minute flights are a bitch to book."

"It was Punk's idea, he wanted to celebrate his new found freedom." Joe nods and I can tell he is studying Punk, hell word gets around quickly in our small group everyone knows something is wrong. Several people are watching him though as casually as possible. They were all warned by Ace not to make Punk feel like a fish in a fishbowl.

"He's pale but seems to be good, how is he really doing?" I shrug not really sure how to answer him.

"Tired a lot, trying to fight through whatever this is. Scared he doesn't have answer, and tired of doctors. Putting on a brave front though, he is rather pale tonight." Joe nods and I see Punk run his fingers along his forehead, headache I think. I want to go over insist he sit, relax, rest but I can't do it. He would be pissed showing any sign of weakness is not Punk's strong suit.

"You know we are all here for both of you if you need anything." I nod and push away from the wall. He is way too pale and I see Ace heading Punk's way also. I grab a Pepsi and walk over to him.

"You okay" I ask as I hand him the soda. He takes it and I see the trembling of his hand.

"Not sure, hit me all of the sudden. Maybe I should sit." Maybe is laughable he should sit, he s swaying on his damn feet. I take his arm to lead him to the couch, but know it's going to be too late. He grips my arm and then his hand slackens, I watch as his eyes roll to the back of his head and go to catch him grateful Ace is right behind Punk to lend a hand. The party is quiet as I carry him to the couch, tapping his cheek gently.

"Punkers, come on Punk wake up." His eyes flutter and he slowly opens them staring up at me for a few seconds before groaning. "It's okay just relax I got you." He nods and closes his eyes, breathing slowly. Panic has formed a permanent place in my stomach, I swallow and glance at Ace. "I'm taking him to the hospital." Punk grips my arm shaking his head, I sigh and look back to him. His green eyes are pleading.

"It will pass, just give me a second." I frown and take a deep breath.

"Not the first time you passed out?" He wrinkles his nose not wanting to answer before giving me a little nod. "Alright up if you can stay steady on your feet I won't take you, but if you so much as sway we are going do you understand." He swallows hard and sits up slowly he doesn't even get to his feet before I see his eyes start to roll. "Fuck this, Ace call 911 he needs to go."

"Already did, they are on the way." I nod grateful the man is in our lives. Punk curls into a ball and I know he feels everyone watching, all the concern, all the curiosity.

"Guess the party's over" he whispers and I shake my head "to think I was going to have a beer in celebration, my first one." I know he is joking but I find nothing about this situation funny. EMT's arrive and take his vitals, they get him on the gurney, put oxygen on him and then transport him to the ER with me in tow. Ace will get the party ended, or hell he'll keep it going so that no one else follows. I find myself sitting in the cold white waiting room, wondering what the hell is going on and if this time I am going to lose him. Should of used the emergency brake sooner I think to myself, maybe this train jumped the tracks a long time ago.

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**Thank you for reading, please review. If it is good bad or indifferent I want to hear your opinion. rebellecherry, Lamentomori, littleone1389 thank you for you awesome reviews! Sorry to lump you all together but i wanted to get this out before I go to work and I leave in a few minutes.  
**


	4. Slowing Down

Punk sleeps soundly in the hospital bed, he is no longer as pale and seems to be doing a lot better. We have answers now, answers I am not happy with but answers. I watch as the IV gives him a transfusion of blood, it flows slowly into his arm. He is not any happier with the answers then I am. Aplastic anemia, it was one of the things web MD did mention. What causes this, who the hell knows, they usually don't figure it out. Is it curable yes, but here's the thing that is making Punk rather unhappy he probably needs a stem cell transplant, from an acceptable donor. The blood transfusion will keep him healthier, stronger but won't fix it, but the transplant will. The only thing is the best candidate is most likely a family member, and Punk does not talk with his family. I know he is not going to want to reach out to them, no matter the cost he will not like the idea of asking them for anything. Everyone who cares will get tested to see if we match but if it comes down to asking his family I think he would rather die first. The truth is most likely the match is from a sibling and Pun hasn't talked to his brother in years.

I am so thankful my family gets along, I could not imagine being in Punk's position asking for help from someone he despises, someone who he has never forgiven. Punk didn't really react to the news, he withdrew from the conversation so I asked the questions while he stared out the window. I adjust the scratchy white blanket on Punk and study him, already with this one transfusion he seems so much better, so much more alive. The blood could work for a long time, but he would never be allowed to wrestle again, anything physical where he could become bruised or cut would be potentially life threatening without a stem cell transplant. They've started him on medications also, to prevent an excess of iron in his system due to the transfusions. He is a very unhappy Punkers, he hates medications, he hates feeling weak, and he hates being stuck in the hospital. Though from what I understand they will release him in the morning.

I stand and slide from the room, heading down to the waiting room where everyone from the party is waiting. The doctor told me that they were refusing to go home until they talked to one of us. More likely Ace is refusing and the others are just nodding in agreement. I walk in and observe the crowded room, people sleeping sitting up, others drinking coffee, some watching late night infomercials on the small TV. Ace stands as soon as I enter and I take a deep breath, he pulls me into a hug and I return it for a moment. Need to be strong, no time to break down yet. "He needs a bone marrow transplant, can you get tested, I need as many people to get tested. He is not going to want to reach out to his family."

"Everyone will get tested Colt, don't worry about that. We will find a match. What is going on?" I'm not sure Punk will want me to reveal too much but honestly I don't care.

Aplastic Anemia, his blood cells are not forming maturely, his blood cells are damaged, and it's causing a deficiency in all of his cells." I'm not sure I'm explaining it right to him, but hey he can go google it.

"My cousin died of that" I glance to my left taking in the obviously drunk blonde that Joe is pulling back with an apologetic look on his face.

"Can it be deadly?" I sigh at Ace and nod my head.

"Yes in worst case scenarios but we are not at that critical of a point. He will have blood transfusion, be put on medications to stimulate his bone marrow, and hopefully we will find a donor and everything will be alright. After the transplant he'll be on antirejection medication but it could cue him completely. For now just observation, meds, and transfusion when needed. He cannot be doing anything really physical where he could get hurt or cause nay kind of bleeding. Mostly rest, eating healthy, and taking care of himself he should be okay." Ace nods and seems relieved, I'm not I know how Punk is then is going to become a living hell. He'll start feeling better and refuse to go to his appointments till we end up back here every time. Unless he actually proves me wrong but I am not holding my breath. "He's sleeping, they are releasing him in the morning, I'll call you. You can cover over for breakfast, or lunch whatever." He nods and gives me another hug, before I slip from the room I go to the cafeteria and get coffee. Then I return to Punk's side to watch him sleep through the night.

We get home late in the morning, Pun has a few appointments set up with his new specialist later in the week but for at least a few days it will be just us. I stop and pick up his medications and he stares out the window the whole drive home. He is thinking I wonder about what exactly, I can tell his mind is turning. When we get into the house Punk flops down on the couch, he has more energy and the paleness is completely gone. He looks at me and smiles pulling me down beside of him. "I love you" this admission is never easy for him to make, hell beside myself and a few people those words are not used.

"I love you too, what are you thinking so deeply about?" He sighs and snuggles his face into my neck.

"A will, a medical advance directive, getting my affairs in order, contacting my parents to see if they know where and how to contact my brother." I frown and run my fingers through his hair.

"You're not dying, you have a medical condition that can be treated successfully. Never knew you to be a drama queen so let's not start today okay. Being over dramatic, and over reacting is my department I'll handle that okay?" He chuckles and pulls back looking at me.

"Cabana I didn't say I was dying, I just need to get my affairs in order. How about you come with me to my lawyers later in the week. I'll let you handle the hysterics. I want to make sure you get everything is something happens, not my parents. I know we are not married but we are never going to be apart so it should all go to you. I'm not saying I'm going to die tomorrow, I plan on being a pain in your ass for years." I take a deep breath and kiss him lightly.

"I'll contact your parents, locate your brother, you don't need that stress. Let me help, let me take care of you." He bites at his lip, I wonder if he misses the ring but then nods slowly. He's accepting that I will do the dirty work, the shit he can't handle for now. "I told Ace I would call him when we got home, do you want me to wait?" He nods and then smirks slowly.

"I feel good for the first time in a while, I so am not wasting this on Ace. He can come over later, much much later." I raise an eyebrow and he chuckles standing. "Race you to the bedroom." I grab his hand shaking my head, I stand and scoop him up.

"No racing, no running, no wrestling, no working out for the foreseeable future. Nothing that could make you fall, bleed or bruise." He sighs and stares at me as I walk into the bedroom.

"So no life basically, if I want to live I won't actually be living. Can we even have sex, that's a form of a workout, I could end up getting bruised, or falling off the bed. Oh wait I guess no sleeping either, could fall then too. Be serious Colt, I am not going to completely stop living my life, I am going to be more careful and wrestling and martial arts are completely out for now but don't expect me to just give up everything! Don't expect me to live in a bubble because I could get hurt!" He is peeling off his shirt and even in his anger he is planning on sex, angry sex with Punk is always hot, hell the first time we were ever together it was pure anger fueled sex. Way back in the ROH days, before either of us admitted our feelings or our sexuality. It had been after a hard match I'd gone out leaving Punk alone in our cheap hotel. I'd met up with a few of the other guys and had a few drinks. I get lost I the memories until I feel Punk's eyes on me he is standing by the bed naked.

"Are you going to join me or do I have to self-serve." Not that I mind watching Punk masturbate but I much prefer being a part of the action.

"I was thinking about our first time." He smiles and then smirks at me as he gets on the bed, I shed my clothes and he chuckles.

"It hurt, and you were drunk, you probably don't remember it." I chuckle and lay down beside of him.

"You were a virgin it was bound to hurt some. I was buzzed not drunk. I remember t like it was yesterday. You were pissed at me." He rolls on top of me straddling my waist.

"I was pissed because you texted me a picture of some chick sucking your dick in a bathroom of some seedy bar. You could have caught something from that skank." I laugh at the memory, nodding in agreement.

"I remember her, she didn't have your talent. I believe you texted back that you could do better. So I bailed and headed back to the hotel to see if you were right." He laughs stroking my cock to hardness.

"You stormed into the hotel, asking me if I was serious and told me you could fuck me so good I couldn't walk for a week. I told you to prove it." Punk grabs the lube from the stand by the bed coating my dick before sinking down onto it slowly. He pauses for his body to adjust, and I moan.

'Always so fucking tight Punkers. I proved it though, so did you. I think the best part was the next day when it was so awkward on the ride home, well before we pulled in a rest stop and you decided to break the ice and ride me like a wild man." He smirks and begins to move, his body sliding along my dick as he proves again why no one will ever be able to compare to this man.

"I loved you then, I just couldn't tell you so I showed you. I thought you regretted the night before so I wanted to make sure you were okay with what happened." I nod and grab Punk's hips he lets me guide the pace.

"I loved you too always have, always so good, never regret a moment of being inside of you trust me on that." He moans as I find his prostate, picking up the pace I watch the sweat slide down him and roll us over so I am on top. I increase the pace more, my mouth latching onto his. Talking is forgotten for moans and whimpers, his nails dig into my back and I nip gently as his lip being sure not to break the skin. We move together, our bodies instinctively knowing exactly how to get the most pleasure. Through the years we've made our mistakes, tried to have other relationships but it always comes back to the two of us. It always will, no matter what we are soul mates, from that first meeting to our first time, to our last kiss years from now we belong to each other.

I feel Punk arch and tense and the wetness spread between our stomachs, he gasps my name and I slam into him a few more times before I release inside of him. His name slides easily from my lips and he kisses me. I slide from his body, carefully collapsing beside of him. He wraps tightly around me and I wonder if maybe just maybe we got this train back on track.

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**Thank you everyone for reading this, we now know what is wrong. Reviews are appreciated greatly, to those who reviewed the last chapter thank you so much. I hope you enjoyed this chapter! Let me know what you think. **


	5. Full Speed Ahead!

"You know I am not an invalid, I am perfectly capable of doing shit on my own Scott." I sigh this has been an endless argument lately Punk trying to do stuff that the doctor says for the time being is out. I end up being the bad guy because I won't let him do the shit he wants to do, then he starts an argument that leads to him not speaking for me for a few hours. Today he wants to go the gym, one of the very few things the doctor has strictly told him not to do. He could get hurt, he needs to rest, relax, and wait to see if the transfusion of blood are going to do the trick. I get how hard it is for Punk to sit still, he has spent most of his life on the move, with a plan, a focus, never settling into one thing for too long without getting bored. Now alls he is allowed to do is sit around, watch carp TV, and get fat. He is slowly going to lose his mind unless I find something for him to do that would interest him and be safe. He is going to the hockey games, and other sporting events, hell I've gone with him to most. He is spending time with family and friends but in the two weeks since the diagnosis he has mainly been in the house picking fights.

I've talked to Ace, Chez, and Joe to help me come up with ideas on what to do to keep him busy but none of us can think of the perfect thing that ill distract him. So far there has been no good news as far as finding a donor match, no stone is being left unturned. Hell I even thought of using my twitter to ask people to get tested, but Punkers would kill me, the world doesn't need to know he's sick, doesn't need to know that the invincible CM Punk needs help. He is very stubborn but really if we run out of other options I am going to ask whether he likes it or not. The other options would be the lunch I am having tomorrow with Punk's mom, I need his brothers number, need her and Punk's dad to get tested and I will do whatever I need to behind Punk's back to get him healthy.

"Phillip the doctor specifically said no gym, no working out, no running, no wrestling, rest, relax, Next week when we go in they will test your levels again and some of these restrictions may be lifted. I know you are feeling better but this isn't a cure Punkers, please for my sanity stop pushing." I watch as anger rises in his eyes but for once he keeps his mouth shut and storms to the bedroom slamming the door. Apparently he is deciding ignoring me is better than fighting with me, at the moment I am glad for the peace. I love this man but trying to stop his in his tracks is frustrating. I do go into the room about thirty minutes later and find him sleeping soundly in the bed, I tug the covers from beneath his body and cover him up.

"I love you, sorry" he murmurs and I give him a light kiss. Tired green eyes look into my own.

"Rest Punkers I love you." He nods and his eyes flutter shut, really the man wanted to go to the gym. I roll my eyes wondering if he would have made it out of the locker room before taking a nap. Going back to the kitchen preparing a light lunch, a knock at the door has me allowing Ace to enter the apartment. "He's asleep" I tell our friend before he can ask. "Hungry I'm making some sandwiches?" He nods and follows me to the kitchen.

"Have you told him yet?"

"I haven't not sure I am going to unless one of them ends up being a match. Punk keeps his family out of his life for a reason and there is a part of me that could see his mom using this as a way to force herself back in. He is dealing with enough, I do not want him to have to start dealing with the harassment again. There is a restraining order for a reason, it was traumatic enough for him the first time he had to go through that." Ace nods and takes the plate I hand him.

"Okay so you're going to keep it from him, until he finds out and flips the hell out at you. Sounds like a really great fucking idea Cabana." I shrug it is the only choice I have, I won't put him through the pain of seeing his family without positive results. This is not going to mend there broken relationship, I don't think anything could. Punk is not a man who can forgive all the pain they have caused him, the neglect, the abuse it may have not been physical but it was abuse. None of that am I willing to force back into his life without a good fucking reason. Punk living is a good reason, but not if they can't help him.

"I am doing what I have to do, if they are a match I will tell him Ace, but if not they can stay the fuck away." I take a bite out of the sandwich which taste like lead as we talk about this. I know Punk could get angry, could push me away but really I think we are strong enough to survive anything. I just hope I have earned his forgiveness.

"Have you found anything to distract him with?" I shake my head, I wish I could come up with an idea that lasted for more than a few hours.

"You could always distract him with wedding planning." I raise an eyebrow trying to figure out who is getting married that we know.

"Who's wedding?" Ace smirks and points at me.

"Yours, you've been together what ten years now, probably more, don't you think it is time to make it official?" The thought had crossed my mind throughout the years but Punk has never expressed an interest in a piece of paper that makes it legal. Hell I think he feels we are tied together enough, we are each other's emergency contacts, beneficiaries, and power of attorneys in medical situations, truly we are tied tightly together legality as it is.

"Punkers is not the marrying type. Besides we're good, I mean really we're as committed as any married couple why change things."

"Have you ever asked him?" I shake my head why would I propose when I know it would be rejected, or laughed in my face about. "He'd marry you, I can almost guarantee that. Marriage scares him but your bond runs so deep, you've been together so long he trusts and knows it is forever. Plus with all the medical shit Punk is going through wouldn't it be a good idea if it is legal, you may need to make some decisions for him." I frown at Ace shaking my head.

"It is not that bad Ace, he is getting stronger with the transfusion of blood. Soon we could have a donor and he'll get well. Beside we have all the legal crap in place, I make all his decisions, I am listed as his next of kin. Legally we are all set."

"Look Colt I know facing some shit is hard, I know you don't want to deal with this, but even with a donor, he still need to be on antirejection medications, he could reject it and then get incredibly sick. Even with all the legal shit in place his family could fight you if they wanted to, if they had an interest in it. I think that if it got their hands anywhere near Punk's money his family would fight you." His mom would in a heartbeat I know this, but she has no ground to stand on. She is legally forced to stay away so what judge would overturn Punk's own wishes and grant her or anyone in his family rights. "I just think you should think about it, if you're not interested in marriage then fine but talk to a lawyer make sure if something happens you and Punk are beyond protected." I nod and we finish lunch in silence, Punk appears not long after and settles in my lap eating his own lunch. I am grateful he can keep stuff down again, and remember to provide him with foods that will help the anemia whenever I am cooking.

The next afternoon I head home tiredly, meeting with Punk's parents took a lot out of me, hell the phone conversation with his brother after didn't help. They all agreed to get tested, well agreed would not be what Punk's mom did, my bank account is ten thousand dollars shorter thanks to the women. Really what parent would not run to the hospital as soon as they knew how sick there kid is. Instead I wrote her a check to cover some of her bills and then she finally agreed to get tested. At least Punk's brother was an easier sell, in all honesty I think he would like the chance to mend fences. It's never going to happen but he seems honest in his intentions to do all he can do to help Punk. Then I met with our lawyer, went over shit, and much like Ace he mentioned it would help matters if we just got married. That yes it could be fought in court, but really it would be hard to convince a judge to go against Punk's wishes.

I walk into the apartment and decided to get it over with, to just ask Punk so he can say no and there will be no more conversation on marriage. He is sitting in the kitchen, hell his ass is on our kitchen table as he swings his feet. He is watching Ace cook, Punk is not left alone so whenever I need to go out someone comes to visit. I grab the bottle of rubbing alcohol and clean my hands, Punk is susceptible to germs and illness easily and I refuse to make him sick. I go and stand between his legs, studying him closely. "What I feel fine, didn't do anything while you were gone." I shake my head and kiss him lightly and take a deep breath sinking to one knee in front of him. Punk's eyes immediately widen and he is pulling at my arm to get me to stand back up. I can't tell but I think he may be panicking.

"Will you marry me?" It is not romantic or graceful, I actually stumble over the words and I swear times stands still. Ace is not moving watching the speeding train head for car on the tracks, a disaster about to happen. I think Punk may have just nodded, did he nod. I think I am holding my breath and he does it again. "What" I whisper as the breath flies from my lungs. He nods again and I see him blink back tears. "Yes? Are you saying yes?" I see him take a deep breath and then nod. I need to hear him say it, I need to know he is agreeing. I will kneel on this floor until he does.

"Yes, okay, yes I'll marry you." I want to stand up and jump for joy but really I can't until I make a confession.

"I met with your mom today and your dad they are going to get tested. Also talked with your brother he agreed also. I'm sorry if you don't like it." Punk tenses for a moment before breathing what I can only assume is a sigh of relief.

"Thank you, I really didn't want to do it myself." I raise an eyebrow expecting anger instead getting thanks. "I was going to reach out, hadn't figured out how to do it and at least this way I won't have to talk to them if they are not a match. What did my mom want in agreement?"

"Money, I gave her money. You aren't mad?" He shakes his head and gives me a smile.

"No, you did something I was too scared to do, but it needed to be done. The bitch always wants money. How could I be mad at you after that very romantic proposal? I love you Colt and sometimes we have to do shit that we know the other one won't love, its part of being in a relationship. Do I get a ring?" I stand slowly my hands resting on Punk's thighs unsure what I am experiencing, he seems to calm.

"Yeah I have a ring in the bedroom, had it for a while. Are you sure you're okay? I mean you just agreed to marry me." Not to mention his lack of anger, his odd calmness, I'm honestly afraid Punk has lost his shit.

"Yes Colt I'm good, I mean it's just another piece of paper for our files. We've been together for how long, hell I would have married you after that first night. I love you Colt, not to be corny but you truly are my other half. I don't want to think about my family, let them ruin this day. I may get mad at you tomorrow but really you did the same thing I would have done if I were in your shoes." He kisses me and then slaps my ass "Besides it will be kind of nice to introduce you as my husband and show off my ring. How long have you had a ring? I've seen the box floating around in different hiding spots a few times." I rib the back of my neck a habit I pick up from Punk long ago.

"You're planning the wedding" I inform him of this and he nods at me like that would be obvious. "I've had the ring a long time, probably five or six years. If you've seen it why not tell me?" He shrugs and pushes me gently.

"Go get my ring and come propose better, figured you'd asked when you were ready." I nod and literally stumble out of the kitchen tripping over my own feet. I hear Punk's laughter trail behind me, I grab the ring and dash back to the kitchen. He is still sitting on the table but Ace has moved out of the room, giving us privacy for this moment. I take the ring from the box and slide it onto his finger. It's a simple band, but Punk seems to approve. He is looking at me and I sigh.

"I'm not sure what to say, I just know that we are already spending the rest of our lives together. That this really doesn't change us, but it feels big for some reason, the fact that I can introduce you as my husband and check that little box married on forms. It means so much more then I can express in words Punk, it means everything. I love you so damn much that when I am not with you I feel like a piece of me is missing. You are not just part of my life but also my very soul. I'm not good with romantic words so will you please just marry me?" He laughs and wraps his arms around my neck.

"That was pretty damn good Scott, and yes I will marry you." I smile and catch his lips with mine, the kiss is so much more. It feels in a way complete as if maybe this has been the missing piece of our puzzles for years. When we part I cup his cheek gently with my palm, giving him a light kiss on the nose.

"The wedding needs to be small, private, hell I want everyone's phone taking away from them. This needs to stay personal, not for the world. I will gladly tell the world I'm married to you I just don't want to share it with them." I nod and stroke my thumb along his lip.

"Whatever you want Punk, as long as I can say you're my husband. You're planning the whole thing though." He chuckles and slides from the table, taking my hand he leads me to the living room where Ace is sitting.

"Congrats guys!" I watch as Punk shows him the ring and then he is off calling his sisters to help plan. I wonder if perhaps this makes me more than a passenger of the train now, if maybe it gives me access to some of the controls.

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**Thank you everyone for reading this, we now know what is wrong. Reviews are appreciated greatly, to those who reviewed the last chapter thank you so much. I hope you enjoyed this chapter! Let me know what you think. **


	6. Follow Rivers

Everything seemed to be heading in the right direction and then it all fell apart, it all collapsed around me so face that its making my head spin. Punk is staying at Ace's has been for a few days avoiding me, the house, everything. He is so angry that I think space may be the only thing I can give him at this time. The small hope I hang onto is that he hasn't given me the ring back, he hasn't broken up with me. So with this small hope I try to wait him out, Punk is stubborn but I can be just as determined as he is and this time I did nothing wrong except push him to accept the bone marrow from the match. The only problem is who the match is, why it had to be the one person on the planet Punk would not want to accept it from is beyond me. Mike his brother could heal him, make him better but instead Punk is refusing to even consider this as an option. He refuses to take an old hurt and sweep it away even if it costs him his life.

When I told him I asked Mike to be tested he seemed okay with it, but only once we found out the news he was indeed a match did I learn that Punk didn't ever expect him to be so and now wants nothing to do with him. I tried to tell him he wouldn't have to even see the man, that they could remain completely separated but Punk told me no. He will never owe his brother anything, especially his life. It's a cure does he not understand that, instead of constant blood transfusions, instead of days feeling like crap he could go back to working out, running, wrestling, he could go back to having a life. I need him to understand that I love him and I'll be here no matter what but he needs to fight for his life. I just wish he would listen instead of blowing up at me and storming off.

A few more days past before I decide to give in and go bring him home, from what I understand he is still planning the wedding so it seems this is just really a temper tantrum and we need to call a cease fire, he needs to see that I am on his side. I arrive at Ace's and he lets me in, he hands me a bottle of Pepsi and points me in the direction of the guest room. "Good luck and you better fix it I don't like to see him frown, or hear him cry when he thinks he is all alone. Fix him or I break you." I nod I may be close to Ace but the fact is Punk is practically his son, he would do anything for the brat and although he loves me I am not allowed to hurt Punk. Hell he made that clear when we finally got together. _"Punk is sensitive Cabana, he's got all these walls, and if you're not willing to break through, to take the time then walk away. Cause you hurt him kid and I will make sure you can never wrestle again."_ The reminder of the threat makes me smile, him also calling Punk sensitive still makes me chuckle. Ace of course is right on the money but really I never expected him to take the time to care about the two of us in any capacity.

I push open the door to the guest room, glancing around I see magazine's scattered about. Wedding crap I realize and I breathe easier as I approach the lump under the blankets. His back is to me but I know he is awake. "Punkers" his body stiffens and I wait for a moment "I brought you a Pepsi." I'm waving the white flag asking for a truce and he turns to me slowly. Dark circles under his eyes worries me and I lean across the bed my hand to his forehead. "You have a fever." He nods slowly and I sit pulling him gently into my arms. "This is why you need to have the transplant Punk, I won't push but you'd feel better." He sighs and feverish green eyes look up at me.

"I know, I know Colt. I just don't know what he'll want from me, what the price for my life will be. Take me home?" I roll my eyes at the question in his voice, but stand gathering his shit. I hold up the magazines wondering if he wants them.

"Can we just elope? This seems like a lot of fucking work for one day." I nod at him, doesn't matter to me. "When?"

"Whenever you want Punkers" he smiles and I wonder how sick he is feeling. "When was your last transfusion? He bites at his lip and I miss that damn ring, I think at times so does he.

"I skipped the last one, it's a pain in the ass." I close my eyes and count to ten, is this man trying to kill himself. I decide ten isn't enough and count down from fifty before I go and scoop him up in my arms. Not in the mood to fight with him, I decide to just take him to the clinic on the way home. He can have his transfusion and go back to pissed off Punkers.

As he is sitting in the small room blood dripping into his body and a pout on his lips I decide to address his worries. "Mike won't want anything, I promise Punk there will be no price I will make sure of it." His eyes seem skeptical "Trust me?" he nods slowly and I take his hand. "Then trust me when I promise there will be nothing he wants in return, you won't even have to see him, talk to him unless you want to." He remains silent taking in my words but I can see the skepticism in his eyes. I know he trusts me, he wants to believe me, and the thing is I want to believe it to. I really cannot guarantee to him though that his brother will just be a standup guy so I'll have to make my words true anyway I can. Once he has had his transfusion we head home, he is quiet and I wonder what is going on in his mind. His thoughts almost scream at me as he moves restlessly in the passenger seat, his body in constant motion, I wish I could understand how his mind works but I've never held the key to his thought. There are times when I do know what he is thinking, but at moments like this I need him to use words.

When we get back to the house I tug his hand till he follows me to the living room, sitting on the couch I pull him down on to my lap so he is straddling my legs. I run my thumb lightly along his cheek missing the smile on his lips. "You're scared?' It's a question maybe even a statement of truth. His eyebrow twitches and he gives me a quick nod, if I had blink I would have missed the head nod. "So am I" his deep sigh is all I get in response. For a man never lost for words I would pay a helluva a lot of money for him to speak now. "When you had that skull fracture, when I sat in that room watching you. You were pretty much in a coma and all I could do is wait. Wait for you to wake up, wait for you to stop breathing. I have honestly never felt more helpless in my life then I did in the small damn room. Until now, I'm afraid Punkers that you are just going to throw in the towel because it's too hard. I know that's not who you really are, yet I've seen you run many times when things get too hard. This isn't going to be easy, hell you have a fight on your hands. I promise though to be by your side throughout it all, just don't push me away Phillip. You can get angry, you can hate the whole world but remember to reach out to me when you need. I love you, I will be there." Punk rests his head down onto my shoulder his fingers lace between mine.

"I'm gonna be sick, through this whole thing. You know that right?" I nod and he squeezes my hand. "They are going to pump poison into my body, I'll need high doses of radiation, and chemotherapy just to kill my own marrow. I'll be in the hospital for days, they'll put in a central line, and then they give me the bone marrow I could be in the hospital for weeks. They'll isolate me, the cells could attack my body, or my body could attack them. There is no guarantee this is going to work Scott, hell they tell you in those fucking brochures you should have your advance directive in order, you should have your finances in order. Pretty much you could fucking die! Even after all of it, I'll be on antirejection medications, and still may need blood transfusion. None of it seems fucking worth it. I'll be in pain, I'll be sick, and you won't be allowed by my side because they'll have me isolated, alone, I am not good alone!" I stroke his back with my free hand and process his concerns.

"It's a cure, you could go back to your life. Would all of the sacrifices be worth it then? It works most of the time Punkers. It would be nice to touch you and not be afraid of hurting you. I'll talk to the doctor and figure out how to be with you even if that means I am isolated the whole time too. The poison, the medications, all of it is fucking scary but I promise I won't let you become reliant on them. It's your choice though I won't push Punk, I just need you to see all options." His hand leaves mine and his arms wrap tightly around me, I move my hands over his back, fingers running through his hair.

"You smell good" I chuckle and kiss the top of his head.

"I smell like I always do Punk."

"You smell like home, like safety, does that make any sense?" I nod of course it does scent is a powerful emotion and we connect it with moments in our lives that impact us. "Call the doctor, as long as you can stay with me I'll do it." I think a weight is lifted from my chest as I pull out my cell before he can change his mind. He rolls his eyes at me but soon drifts off to sleep as I hold for his specialist. I arrange everything, finding out Mike's part in all of this is far easier. I bite at my lip watching Punk sleep his brothers address in my head he is only an hour away, I could most likely get there and back before Punk wakes up. I call Ace and ask him to come over keep an eye on the pain in my ass while I'm gone. I carry Punk into the bedroom and wait until he settles before slipping away from him. Ace is already here along with Joe I smile and give Joe a huge hug, it will make Punk happy to see the man.

"How's it going?" I take a deep breath and look between the two.

"He's going to have the transplant, it's going to take a lot out of him, and it's not easy to recover from. I'll need everyone's help, he'll be in the hospital for a long while and I will be with him. I won't be able to come and go and no one can visit except for talking through a glass window. I need to go ensure that the donor is on board for all his part, make sure he disappears after he is done and doesn't try to contact Punk." They both nod and Ace grabs his keys.

"I'm going with you, someone needs to have a clear head. Joe will stay here, besides seeing him will distract Punk from your absence." I nod and we head out the door Ace decides to drive and we are on our way.

The house we pull up to is quant, picked fence and all. As we head up the walk I see a young girl playing on a swing set I wonder briefly if Punk even knows his brother has a kid, hell if he knows he is an uncle. I doubt it, Punk loves kids and may reach out to his brother if he knew this fact. I knock lightly on the door and wait, a man opens the door after a moment and I can see the slight resemblance to Punk. He looks between us and takes a step back gesturing us to enter his home, I take in the pictures on the wall as he leads us to the living room. A wife, a daughter, photos with his family, nothing of Punk though. They have both cut each other out of existence and I wonder if maybe this could be mended. "I know who both of you are but why are you in my home exactly, I've already confirmed with the doctor the date I need to be at the hospital."

"What do you want?" I spit this out quickly and ace places his hand on my shoulder, the nice house, pretty family it's all pissing me off. Punk has so many issues in part thanks to this man that he may never get the family, or trust enough, believe in himself enough to want to have children.

"What colt here means, is you and your brother are not close why do this and what do you want in return." Mike blinks at both of us sitting slowly in a recliner, the small smile on his lips reminds me of Punk's mother and I tense.

"I want nothing but Phillip to be healthy. If he thinks that I do I find that to be sad, but would be interested in hearing what he has to offer me." I see Ace tense but this I can deal with, he wants to do a roundabout negotiation by playing some game then so be it.

"He wants nothing to do with you, your life, and your world once you give the donation. You can go back to being total strangers as far as he is concerned. That is what he is offering, to you absolutely nothing. I however will offer you something show up, donate, disappear and you can name a reasonable number." He shakes his head standing and checking out the window.

"I don't want your money, I want his." I actually laugh and stand turning towards Ace wondering if I could find a different donor.

"It's our money actually as Punk and I are getting married. Name your fucking price before I leave." Ace goes to head for the door in dramatic style and I hide the smirk on my face.

"Seventy five thousand and I disappear again." I shake my head, no way can I write a check for that without Punk asking questions. Granted we have separate accounts but we don't hide this sit, not to mention I may be marrying a very rich man but I'm an Indy wrestler and my account isn't as grandiose as Punkers.

"Can't do it, twenty five thousand would be what I could offer." Mike chuckles and smirks at me.

"My brother has millions he won't notice the money missing. Sixty thousand." I clench my teeth wondering if being arrested for assault would be worth it.

"Fifty thousand" I turn to Ace who made the offer. "I will write a check for fifty thousand right now, take it or leave it. Though if you break your end of the deal know I am not your brother. I will have my people get my money back, I will make sure you never hold your kids again, and I will get the bone marrow no matter what. I'm not a person you cross." Mike hesitated before taking a breath.

"My hospital bills, the lost time at work." I roll my eyes really the guy will be out for a day or two nothing like Punk.

"It will all be covered now do we have a deal?" Punk's brother nods and before I know it we are back in the car on the way back to Punk.

"I'll pay you back Ace." He waves me off and I can't help the smile on my face. "You can be a scary dude you know that right." He shrugs and then gives me a smirk. I don't know what's scarier, the fact that Ace could follow through on his threats very easily, or the fact he has people who would do it for him.

"The money is the least I can do for Punk, he is the one who helped me make most of it. So what are you going to tell Punk about this trip? Joe texted he is awake and wanting to know where the hell you are."

"The truth, he'll accept it, it won't surprise him, and nothing with his family does." Ace nods and we drive in silence.

When we arrive back at the house Punk looks up from the couch where he is talking with Joe. "Where did ya go?"

"To see your brother" he raises an eyebrow and turns back to Joe resuming the conversation and I'm surprised at the lack of questions from him. "He is going to donate, he will be there."

"You paid him off, how much?" I sit down beside of him and wrap an arm around his shoulder.

"I didn't pay him a dime" it's the truth I didn't. Punk turns to stare at Ace and the man shrugs.

"My business dealings are none of your business Punk." Punk sighs at Ace's statement but seems to let it go.

"When am I going to the hospital?" I run my fingers through his hair, wondering if he will lose it from the radiation and chemotherapy.

"Monday" he wrinkles his nose four days and his hell will beginning.

"We should go get married, these two could be our witnesses." I raise an eyebrow wondering what my parent's reaction would be to an elopement. I'm pretty sure my mother would have a heart attack but really I'm not going to turn him down.

"Vegas?" I ask him and Punk punches me lightly in the shoulder.

"No that is tacky, Hawaii alls you need is an ID and an appointment easy enough, then we could have a mini honeymoon.

"What about your transfusions?" Granted he won't need one again till Sunday but still here are reasons for staying close "How do you know this crap anyways"

"It's called google, very helpful when looking for places that you can have a quickie" I raise my eyebrow and kiss his neck.

"Well if you want a quickie we can just use the bedroom Punkers."

"Quickie wedding Cabana, they have hospitals in Hawaii my doctor can easily inform them of what I need." I sigh but nod knowing I will give into him so why argue. "Good now the real question, do I become a Colton or you become a Brooks or do we hyphenate." I chuckle and shake my head.

"I'll become a Brooks, I'd be proud to have your name Phillip." His smile beams at me and the dimples I at time think are lost shines for me. I don't know what the future holds for us, or how we will come through the wreck ahead but somehow I feel at the moment we may be getting back on track.

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**Thank you so much for reading! I'm sorry for the long delay between chapters been dealing with some family stuff and health crap. I hope you all liked this chapter. Than you so much to those of you who review this, it means so much to me that you take the time to tell me what you like, hate, or are just indifferent too. Please review! **


	7. In the Silence

Hawaii was really a blur, the only reason I know it really happened is the ring on my finger and the paperwork that makes it all nice and legal. I am officially married to a man I would have sworn would never say yes. I honestly couldn't be happier and in all honesty he seemed more thrilled by the whole thing, he had a dreamy look on his face all weekend. We had no unexpected health complications which I am grateful for and though it was brief a honeymoon I won't forget.

Neither of us want to return to reality when we get back to Chicago, but the world won't stay out. Tomorrow morning Punk is admitted to the hospital, and essentially so am I. I will not leave his side through all of this, I know Punk well enough to know if he is left alone too long he sinks into his own head. This is not a time for him to be in his thoughts, he'll pull out IV's and tubing and leave isolation if he is.

So I spend the evening we return packing a bag for him and one for myself, he sits on the couch watching some history documentary. I know he is nervous the next few weeks will be hell, they'll pump poison into his body, and he'll be sick, alls so they can put something donated by his brother into his own body. He is going to be cranky, pissy, and a big baby but that's okay I'll deal with all of it, if on the other side of this I get fifty more years with my husband. "We should tell people." I'm startled from my thoughts at his voice in the doorway to our bedroom.

"What… tell people?" He walks over to the bed flopping down.

"Yeah that we got married, I mean we should let people know. Also maybe that I'm sick." I want to inform him that people know he's sick but he is right, besides Ace, Joe and myself I don't think anyone really knows what is going on. There is gossip, speculation, and fear but nothing really confirmed.

"Alright, who should we tell?" Everyone can know we got married, but that he is ill I think needs to remain with a select few as the last thing he is going to want is for this to get leaked. Though I'm not thrilled to tell my Ma that we eloped, she just may kill me for that one.

"My family, yours, close friends, people we trust." I nod it's a small list. Chez and her siblings, his adopted mom and dad, my parents, my brother, Hero, D, Amy, and Paul. Well that is easy enough to do.

"I can text them all, then if they want more information they can call or come over." I almost want to wait, they will show up and there is a selfish part of me that just wants Punk alone to myself tonight. He just nods and I pull out my phone unsure how to word a text like this. Finally putting in the info on the hospital stay, what it is for, and that it starts in the morning so both of us will be unavailable for the next several weeks. At the end I throw in that Punk and I eloped over the weekend. I send it and lay beside of him on the bed knowing my phone and his will soon be blowing up.

We both ignore it for as long as we can, the constant buzz of our phones. When the doorbell rings I know that hiding is over, I stand and lead him to the couch handing him his phone so he can start replying to those too far away to show up. I open the door and allow Ace, Joe, and Hero admittance. As I am about to close it there is a soft knock and I smile at Chez's mom. Letting her in she rushes past everyone to Punk's side. I am so grateful to this women, she is what softened Phil, she is the one who taught him it is okay to love, to trust, to put faith in people. I flip through messages on my phone watching as Punk curls into his mom's arms taking comfort from her.

Another knock has me opening the door, my parents stand there. My dad in pajamas my mother had obviously pulled him from bed to come over here. "Scott Colton, you got married!" I nod and let them in, I see Punk smile and duck his head he knows we are in trouble.

"I'm not a Colton Ma, I'm a Brooks so you can't call me that anymore." I walk over to the couch sitting on the other side of Punk. My mother is across the room hugging Punk before I can blink.

"I always knew you were going to be my son someday." I sigh my mom always has adored Punkers hell sometimes I think more than me. He's a wounded soul and it screams out to the nurturer in her, she wants to mend him, heal, him, and make the pain in him disappear. His scars run deep but that is what is makes him who he is.

I get congratulations from my dad and he ruffles Punk's hair. We sit and talk about nothing important, no one wanting to bring up what happens in the morning. I am responding to texts from people even those in the room, explaining in more details, answering questions that they don't want to ask in front of Punk. "So Punker how did you know you were in love with Colt?" Chez asks and I smile wondering that myself.

"I think I fell in love the day we met, the moment our eyes locked. I was just scared but he spent the afternoon making these light jokes, trying to break the ice. I stared at him a lot that day, and his basketball t-shirt. I don't think I knew what it was then, but I could feel it, it's always been there. In the silence, in every little thing, from how he knows how I like my coffee, to the way we can fight, we can talk, we can say nothing and it is everything." His eyes meet mine and I smile as I feel the love pour from him. "How did I finally acknowledge it? He keeps his word, when he promises something you know he will move mountains to fulfill it. When I am in his arms I have never felt safer in my life, he chases away the ghosts, and breaks down the walls. Do I think there was an ah ha moment? Yes, I guess when I finally knew I couldn't keep the words inside anymore, I was attempting to do our laundry and he left his wallet in his pants. Curiosity got the better of me and I glance into it, he has a picture of me in there. I asked him why and he said that it was so he could always carry me with him. He's my best friend, you're my best friend Scott." I take his hand and pull him close to me.

"I love you too Phillip." My mother dabs at her eyes and I can't help but chuckle. "See those were almost identical to his vows you missed nothing." She glares and I shut my mouth for a moment. "There is a dvd." Within minutes everyone is watching except for Punk and myself, we snuggle on the couch and his head rests on my chest. I feel his breathing evening out and I know he is asleep.

Morning comes too soon, I awaken to find Punk still curled around me on the couch. The house is silent and I glance around seeing Ace asleep in the recliner, besides him everyone seems gone. I slide an arm gently out grabbing my phone off the coffee table and checking the time. We still have an hour before we need to be up so I lie there letting Punk get the sleep he needs, he won't be comfortable in the hospital so it is unlikely he will get good sleep unless medically he crashes. I run my fingers gently through Punks hair, knowing most likely he will lose this soon. I don't mind Punk with little hair but it was just growing back in and I kind of miss my scruffy blonde haired Punkers. Ace stirs and I look back at him, he gives me a small smile heading down the hall towards the bathroom. When he returns he hits the kitchen and I hear the coffee pot start. Then he has Punk's bag and my own and is out the door to return a few minutes later. It seems Ace is going to organize everything this morning which is kind of a relief I would probably just be running around in a panic.

I wait to wake Punk, taking the coffee and sipping at it that Ace had handed me. We whisper softly, discussing Ace getting the mail, checking on the house, and watering the plants. Ace I know will stop by and talk to us through the little glass window keep us updated on the world while checking up on Punk. "Just do me a favor Ace and make sure Mike shows, if Punk goes through all of this and Mike changes his mind at the last minute it will kill him, literally." Ace smiles and its almost scary the look in his eyes.

"No worries he will be there, Punk will have the marrow even if his brother is reluctant. I can guarantee this Colt." I probably should be scared but I am more relieved than anything.

"You are a scary guy sometimes Ace." I look down at Punk who had spoken and see a small smile on his face. Ace just laughs and tugs Punk up gently, pulling him into a hug. I sit up and wait for the feeling to return to my legs. Ace and Punk seem to be having a silent conversation and finally Punk nods a small smile on his lips. Punk leans back down and gives me a peck before muttering about a shower.

Thirty minutes later we are running late and Ace is laughing at us, so a shower turned into a shower "together." When we go to head out the door Punk remembers he wants his laptop, then it's his charger, then it's his iPod. Finally we are on the road as Punk has run out of excuses to return to the house. Punk is rubbing the back of his neck, his knee bouncing as Ace drives us to the hospital. I want to offer him words of comfort but really what the hell does one say in moments like these? So I just take his hand and hold on to him.

Checking in is surprisingly easy, we are escorted to our new home, it is a private room which we are paying a lot for but this way I get to stay. They've moved another bed into the space but it is unlikely I will ever use it. Punk gets settled into a pair of PJ's and then I sit and watch as tubes and needles are hooked into him. Wires attached, blood drawn, and his frown deepens. Ace gives us hugs and he escorted off, Punk will be taken for his first round of treatment in a few minutes. The process to kill his bone marrow will begin and alls we can do is wait, worry and hope all of this works. I'll send out prayers, I'll ask for a miracle and he will fight, I know he is in for the fight for his life and I'll be beside him through every step.

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**Thank you everyone for reading, please remember to review I love feedback. So Sorry for the lack of updates I have had major writerws block, I think I am coming out of it. This is close to being done only a few more chapters to go!  
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